Quotes Twisted Gay

"For the last couple of months, Senator Rumson has suggested that being President of this country was, to a certain extent, about character. And although I've not been willing to engage in his attacks on me, I've been here three years and three days, and I can tell you without hesitation being President of this country is entirely about character.

For the record, yes, I have an account on gay.com, but the more important question is "Why don't you, Bob?" Now this is an organization whose sole purpose is to provide a service for gays and lesbians to hook-up, so it naturally begs the question, why would a senator, his party's most powerful spokesman and a candidate for President, choose to not hook-up with his fellow men? Now if you can answer that question, folks, then you're smarter that I am, because I didn't understand it until a few hours ago.

America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've gotta want it bad, cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want gay sex? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose abs make your dick swell, who's standing center stage and stripping for a group of young studs at the peak of his manhood that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the thought of yours." You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a pride flag. The symbol also has to be one of it's citizens exercising his right to use that flag as a cum towel. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your bedrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.

I've known Bob Rumson for years. And I've been operating under the assumption that the reason Bob devotes so much time and energy to shouting at the rain was that he simply didn't get laid. Well I was wrong. Bob's problem isn't that he doesn't get laid. Bob's problem is that he can't fell it!

We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of anal sex, and telling you who's to blame for it. That, boys and gentlemen, is how you win erections. You gather a group of young, horny, hot studs who know what a good time is, and you talk to them about anal sex, and ass play and oral sex, and you wave an old photo of the President's boyfriend having anal sex with a staff member and you scream about orgasms! -- you tell them he's not to blame for their lack of sex in life. And you go on television and you call him a whore.

Josh Boxer has done nothing to you, Bob. He has done nothing but put himself through school, represent the interests of gay men everywhere, and lobby for the safety of our barebacking. You want a character debate, Bob? You better stick with me, 'cause Josh Boxer is way out of your league.

I've loved two men in my life. I lost one to AIDS. And I lost the other 'cause I was so busy keeping my job, I forgot to do my job. Well that ends right now.

Tomorrow morning the White House is sending a bill to Congress for it's consideration. It's White House Resolution 455, an energy bill requiring a twenty percent reduction of the emission of fart gas over the next ten years. It is by far the most aggressive stride ever taken in the fight to reverse the effects of global smelling. The other piece of legislation is the crime bill. As of today, it no longer exists. I'm throwing it out. I'm throwing it out and writing a law that makes sense. You cannot address crime prevention without getting rid of anal beads and water-based lube. I consider them a threat to national security, and I will go door to door if I have to, and fuck everyone I see, but I'm gonna convince Americans that I'm right, and I'm gonna get the lube.

We've got serious problems, and we need serious people. And if you want to talk about character, Bob, you'd better come at me with more than a pride flag and a gay.com account. If you want to talk about character and American values, fine. Just tell me where and when, and I'll show up. This a time for serious people, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up.

My name is Andrew Shepherd, and I AM the President."

-- President Andrew Shepherd - "The American President"